Forgiveness!

"What does it even look like to forgive someone who has hurt you?"

I've wrestled with this question for over a year as I carried wounds from my past given to me by unsuspecting people in my life. Granted, these were not mighty wounds; a water drop in the sea of pain more like, but wounds all the same. For the sake of transparency, and since this story is redemptive in the end, I'll share specifics:

The summer before my junior year at Mississippi College, I interned at a church plant in St. Louis, MO. One of the pastors invited me to live with him and his family for the summer rent-free for the whole summer. They fed me, they included me in everything they did, and the pastor (I'm not going to say his name, but it's David) poured into me constantly. I learned more in 3 months about discipleship, community, the power of the Gospel, and missions than I had probably learned in my entire life, and all because David saw immeasurable value in biblical discipleship. I was radically changed that summer, and I still remember vivid pictures of God revealing His overwhelming Love to me in tangible ways.

Then, after my summer as an intern, my life moved pretty fast. In July I got engaged, in August I got married, in September we moved to Spain, in October we found out we were pregnant, in November we traveled to 13 cities in 9 European countries, in December I started working back in America to provide for my new wife, and in January I started my senior year of college. Needless to say, things looked different.

So then good news and bad news. The good news was that whilst finishing school, the church in St. Louis called me to offer me a full time job which I was to start immediately after graduation. The bad news was that it sucked. (Keep reading! Remember, it's redemptive!)

Now, as you can probably guess, I was not aware of the fact that it would suck whenever I excitedly told Allie that we would be moving to St. Louis and working for the best church we'd ever experienced. I was not aware of the fact that it would suck when we left both of our families in Mississippi and re-located our entire lives 8 hours north on Interstate 55. I was not aware... but God was.

Now, I really should explain what I mean... My job sucked, but St. Louis was awesome. The people in our church were some of the most loving and caring examples of God's tenderness and kindness we had ever experienced. We loved that city passionately, and we knew discovered what Jeremiah meant when he talked about finding his own welfare in the welfare of the city. I vividly remember Chuck from our urban garden inviting me into his home for the first time and giving me a 4ft tall marijuana plant to destroy because he knew that he couldn't turn to pot to control his anger and that only Jesus redeems us from our raging flesh. I distinctly remember the homeless man that walked up to our pop-up show on the corner of Locust and 11th and wanted to play Wagon Wheel with us on his harmonica which lead him to tears of joy as he performed. I'll never be able to forget shouting (literally shouting), in font of the arch, the gospel of Jesus' unimaginable love through a microphone to the people who stopped to listen as we all wept in awe of our Creator. As well as countless other memories that stick out in my mind like a cold glass of water in the Sahara.

Really the only part that sucked was my job and my relationship with David. But it was enough. I didn't know what was different but I knew that it was. How could the same tasks, relationships, and place as two summers before be so drastically different? I concluded that it was my fault and that I should probably just get over it.... but I couldn't.

Unfortunately, the redemptive ending I keep mentioning did not take place as I drove away from St. Louis into my new life in Indiana... life's not always a neatly wrapped package. No, I actually carried open wounds with me as we met new friends, attended a new church, found a new job, and thanked Jesus for rescuing us from such a painful environment. But then, as normal life set it, I started noticing this wounds which were getting awfully infected. I started thinking several times a day about specific memories of pain or things I wish were forgotten. Thoughts of ill-will and even hatred started plaguing my mind as Satan slowly used my foundation of pain to build a house of bitterness. Then it was from within this house of bitterness that I asked:

"How on earth can I forgive someone who's very memory brings me pain?"

Then I started thinking about other people's pain and it made mine look like the aforementioned water drop into an ocean of suffering. Some of my best friends in the world are currently on a nation-wide tour screening a documentary about the evil of sex slavery and how it's origin takes root in our own hearts. Allie, Viva, and I were able to join them for the first 2 weeks of their tour and as I thought about the thousands of precious girls who had been repeatedly raped by men enslaved to their evil desires and the unfathomable weight of pain each of them carried, I was faced with the reality that if I can't forgive David, these girls would never be able to forgive their perpetrators. But then, Jesus reminded me that He can.

So, with all these thoughts in my head, in the middle of my house of bitterness, Jesus did what He always does: He whispered something that changed my entire life. I was sitting in church as a guy from England talked about forgiveness when I asked Jesus what He had for me. He told me to do two things: Go to St. Louis and meet with David, then tell him that I forgave him. A pretty simple task except for the fact that I hadn't forgiven him, but Jesus told me to, so I did.

A week later I sat on David's porch with him and his wife as we hung out and talked much like we had 3 years before. Time was getting away so I changed the subject, looked him in the eye, and told him that I forgave him... then something happened that made me instantly weep (even as i type this!):

i actually did.

Jesus heals. He redeems. And He loves us so much that He will do anything to tear down our houses of bitterness to hold us in His bear hug. He gave me forgiveness unlike anything I ever saw possible and a years worth of bitterness and hatred growing it's putrid mold inside my heart was no match for the crazy love of my Dad who sought complete freedom for me. Now, all those thoughts that used to haunt me daily are completely shadowed by the beautiful picture of David, with tears in his eyes, looking at me in total humility as he asked forgiveness for every wound I had held on to. All I did, was respond to the voice of Jesus, and He gave me things that continue to overwhelm me.

He loves us so much.

-Trey

Here We Go

   I've had some form of blog since I was 12, and quite frankly I was much better at it back then. I remember quite vividly my teenage Xanga site and how dedicated I was to relaying to my small network of friends and followers of the exciting happenings of homeschooling, household chores, occasional vacations and discovering good music. Ironically enough, my life is approximately 73 times more exciting than when I was 12, yet I never find the time to let my now large network of friends and family know what is happening. No more! Now is the time to revert back to my childhood ways, find time regularly to slow down and remember the things that Jesus has done, and to invite others to worship our Creator with me through the telling of testimony. Because that's what it's all about right?

   Although my precious wife has had several attempts to chronicle the major events of our small family since it's beginning, it was never fully supported and therefore was never able to fully take off. Now, we are in full agreement that documenting our life as it occurs is the most effective way to show gratitude to the thousands of blessings our Father has given to us. It also allows the family we have in Mississippi, St. Louis, and northwest Indiana, to rejoice with us on our journey. Our first several posts will probably consist of a mixture of current events as well as past ones (due to the aforementioned previous lack of blogging prowess).

   So, these are our stories. Me and Allie will be relaying the majority of them because we haven't taught Viva how to type yet (if given the opportunity, you should, however,  get her to tell you a story. You probably won't be able to understand the majority of the words, but rest assured that you will enjoy every second of it). There will be mostly happy stories, but some sad stories. Some short, some long, some medium length... honestly, I'm not 100% certain what they'll look like because I've only thus far experienced some of them. To kick it off, i'll tell the story of how we got here...

   About 10 months ago my wife and I were sitting in our living room in St. Louis, MO praying with some friends. We had been in St. Louis for about 8 months, moving there from Clinton, MS where both went to school. I had been offered a job at a church in a STL suburb which I started 3 weeks after our graduation. (We ran across our graduation photos the other day with a 6 month old Viva smiling with us in our cap and gown... they're pretty great) Through a barrage of circumstances we had felt the Lord calling us away from my job at the church after working there for about 7 months. I looked for other jobs and found a few things that sounded interesting but i didn't have a peace about any of them. Then one night about 10 months ago, as me and Allie sat on our living room floor with our friends, Jesus spoke to me.

   A lot of people get a little weird when I say "Jesus spoke to me." It's a little more normal when we use the phrase "I feel the Lord calling me _____" or "I feel like the Lord is opening a door with _____", but when I say that Jesus gave me specific instructions on where I was to take my family and that His instructions did not line up with any previous form of opportunity or familiar circumstance it can make some people uncomfortable. Does Jesus really speak to people like that? I mean, all throughout the Bible it seems like God has full conversations with people which involve personal revelations as well as specific instructions, but that was before the Bible was written. So now that we have the Bible He surely doesn't speak to people the way He did back then.... or does He?

He does.

I'm telling you right now, as I lay on my living room floor praying with my friends, the God of the Universe spoke to me in the same way in the same way that He spoke to Paul or Moses. I wasn't even asking Him about anything related to what He told me! He was totally off-topic, but it changed the rest of my life. That happens! Jesus can whisper something to you in a moment that can completely change the course of your entire life! So, next time you sit down in your favorite quiet time chair with a cup of coffee or tea and watch the sun bounce light off of the trees or your living room furniture, know that in that moment of silence (or any moment for that matter), Jesus can tell you something that will rock you... Then you just respond!

So Jesus spoke to me that night, and told me to move to Indiana. That's it. We had visited my sister in a small town called North Judson in Indiana the previous summer and although, I really enjoyed our visit, it was short and largely un-impressive. I can say that I did not give North Judson, Indiana a second thought since our 24 hour visit 2 months prior to that night in the living room. But as I knelt in prayer, Jesus brought to mind scenes from our short visit, and the streets of this town, and the church we got a quick tour of, and the pastor who seemed really cool, and as these pictures came to mind He said "Move there."

30 days later, we arrived with all of our stuff in a box truck our friend let us borrow, and since that day, Jesus has provided for our every need... Most of these stories will come from that.

We're excited to share them with you.

-Trey